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Q. I have a family question. I have noticed that the pattern between my sister and I is being repeated with our mum and the grandchildren. I was always the scapegoat for my sister’s behaviour and my daughter is now the scapegoat for my niece’s behaviour. My daughter gets largely ignored because she gets on with things and doesn’t make a fuss. I know this is an opportunity to learn and I see my part in it, however, I still feel a lot of anger towards my mum about it, and it is bringing up a lot of emotion for me. My daughter doesn’t appear to notice so it is obviously ‘my stuff’. I want to work through it as it is an issue I need to resolve and I don’t want it to also become an issue for my daughter! Thanks so much

A. What ever we see is a reflection of what is in our own mind. Firstly if you really, had really looked at your part in this situation and addressed this issue there would be no pain.  All be it this might seem a complex issue the answer is very simplistic. Write down where are you still being a scapegoat?  What are the benefits of this behaviour?  You can begin to move through this when you see what you are gaining from it.  The ego is very very powerful and uses all different disguises to set you up for more pain.  You will know when it has been properly addressed. Either it will not occur again or if you do see the behaviour there will be no anger rising inside you.  Today change the film you are projecting out onto the world and free yourself from this old pain,  forgiveness and trust can transform anything.