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Q. All appears well, my life is on a good path I believe. Love my job, I have met a wonderful man who is intelligent, thoughtful and very loving something I thought I could never have!  The new gent in my life is no oil painting and does not have status which I craved from others and find I am focusing on what other people will think, all is great  so why do I feel so shallow?

I am also thinking am I ready to be in a relationship there may be a handsome business man or famous person out there and if I get involved with my new gent then I will have blown it. I know this is bull—- and may be sabotaging the relationship which makes me feel amazing. How can I stop thinking this way?

A. You feel so shallow as you haven’t committed yourself to giving it your best shot, many of us are afraid of commitment because we think that it is a form of imprisonment.  Your fear is a reaction to the lack of freedom you had as a child or a past relationship where you gave up being yourself for others approval. Both are actually the same.  Commitment is Freedom what we give creates our freedom.  Your focus on what other people think is your irresponsibility to take ownership for your judgment, so you project what is in your own mind out on to others and blame them for your own feelings.  Write down every circumstance you can remember where you lacked freedom as a child and or gave up being yourself in relationships, you will begin to see a behavioural pattern that would be really beneficial to transform.